It's mostly just water retention...

Did I link this already?

Go here, now.

I am jealous of the creative types. I truly am.

Interwebs Geniuses Make The Awesomeness

OH WOW.

That is just some wonderful ingenious twisted-ness.

Old Writings

I found this recently, some writing I had done some time ago, maybe even as far back as five years. I think my original idea was a series of short twisted children's stories. But I only ever wrote these. Now you can read them.

Coco the Ambivalent Mule

Coco the Ambivalent Mule walked along the dusty, desert trails for many miles before coming to town. All the children of the town ran out to the streets to welcome Coco.

“Yea! Coco is here!” cried the children.

Coco stared off into the middle distance.

“Can you take us for a ride Coco?” asked the children.

“Oh please Coco, it would be ever so much fun!” said a small girl with blond pigtails.

“Whatever, I don’t care.” replied Coco.

And the children didn’t know what to do.

Coco the Ambivalent Mule was drinking water from the town trough on a hot dusty desert day when a young child named Ivan ran up to him.

“Help! Help! Timmy has fallen down a mine shaft! Help!” cried Ivan.

Coco’s tail flicked away the flies.

“Coco! Can you help! Timmy’s fallen down a mine shaft and he’s hurt!”

“Mmm…”said Coco.

“All the adults are away and there is no one who can help him!”

“Where?” said Coco. Ivan pointed in the direction of the mine shaft.

“That’s west.” said Coco and he returned to drinking from the trough.

“Won’t you help, Coco?” asked Ivan.

“I don’t know” replied Coco.

“B-b-but what about Timmy?”

“Well you know; survival of the fittest and all that.”

“Coco, I…I…don’t understand…”

“No, I suppose you don’t.”

Eventually Ivan left.

Coco’s tail continued to flick flies.

and that was the end of Coco the Ambivalent Mule.

FOR NOW!!!!

Monday AM Morbidity

This is tragic and very sad and my heart goes to the gentleman and his family.

BUT

If you've gotta go, wouldn't you want to go out eating cakes? For charity, even? How much better could it get?

Monday AM quesiness feeling

Off to work:




Yay?

Monday AM Dudeness

So The Dude is all dressed and ready for his day, except for his shoes. He goes into the bathroom, gets two paper dixie cups, carefully bends them and slides them over his toes and starts walking around with them like they are shoes.

"Ta-Da!" he says holding up his arms in a pose of triumph and victory.

Random Sunday Afternoon Thoughts

Pudding, generally, is underrated.

Mornings

I never feel right in the mornings:


Sometimes I get nasty bed head:

PlaidStallions: Rambling and Reflections on 70s Pop Culture

PlaidStallions: Rambling and Reflections on 70s Pop Culture

I'm getting my family a set of these. Maybe 7 sets, so we can all dress the same, all the time.

Slow Motion Awesome

I got this from a link on Digg

Awesome slow motion footage, watch the video here.

This is wicked, someone needs to make a whole feature length documentary film full of sequences like the balloon popping. Really beautiful.

This guy

This guy is the guy we all want to be:


I lived all through the eighties turning up the collars on all my Polo shirts and I never knew that it was called "popped-collar." Maybe the name came later.

Image originally found here. I think.

Sunday AM

I have not exactly been myself lately.

Although, I'm not as bad as I look right there...

Valentines Day

Praise be for Warren Ellis. This went out on his Bad Signal mailing list, and hopefully he won't mind my reprinting it here:

bad signal
ME


Happy Valentine's Day to all. And to
those who hate the day, I say this:
Valentine's Day is a Christian
corruption of a pagan festival
involving werewolves, blood and
fucking. So wish people a happy
Horny Werewolf Day and see what
happens.

That's just perfect.

This is me

This is probably not the kind of thing I should say in public, or maybe it's exactly the kind of thing I should be saying in public. You know, warts and all. Anyway, I feel like complete shit. And like A complete shit.

I am tired and empty and I don't have anything to offer to anybody.


Also, I am angry as all fuck.

( I had originally written a whole bunch of other stuff here, but in the cold light of the morning I decided to get rid of it. If you saw it, you saw it, that's fine.)

Monday Morning Pain

And we are starting the week off with a BANG!

Part 1:



Part 2:

more personal information than you probably wnated to know about

I have hopes that things will get better from here. I have fears that they won't. :)

Negative Boy, signing off!

Suit

On my way to a funeral. One of the only times I'm ever in a suit and tie.




The funeral, by the way, was fine. At least as fine as a funeral can be. I was a pallbearer, but I often am at family funerals, and I'm honored to do it really. It was sad, but also okay, and people had a nice time. Which may sound weird, but it made sense if you were there. It felt right. And it was a fitting tribute to my great aunt, I'm sure it made her happy.

My Desktop

This picture is a couple of years old, but I came across it today and made it my current desktop.



I like my hair here.

Daddy and The Dude Show 2 or maybe 3?

My day sucked. Until I got home. :)

Plo Meek

The Dude is eating dinner right now. He's having spaghetti and peas, and they may sound like an odd combo, but all we really care about is that he's eating the peas. Yay! Vegetables! And he's not spitting them back out!

It's these funny little simple pleasures one finds in parenthood.

The Dude is talking while he is eating and it sounds like gibberish, very animated too. And then it starts to sound kind of familiar and I swear to The Great Bird of the Galaxy he's talking in Klingon.

Cool.

And as an added bonus, after dinner I gave him a cookie and he said "Thank You." It's the little things, it really is.

Getting Gas

So the other day I was getting some gas for my car at a gas station downtown. It was one of those new fangled stations where they play music at the pump, and in between songs the fire more advertising at you. It was cold and it had snowed several days before, but the clean soft snow look was long gone, and now it was that dirty, filth covered, frozen snow. And it's an industrial area with lots of trucks so it's even worse. But the station itself is actually pretty nice.

So, anyway, there's music playing, and they've got an eighties theme going. The company probably paid lots of money to have marketing tests done to find out which music would weaken their target customers. Get them to feel all soft and happy and nostalgic, and then hit them with the ad and make them come in and buy some beef jerky and diet Coke or whatever. Or get so lost in the music that you forget that you only meant to buy ten dollars worth of gas and the meters cranking up to twenty five now.

I'm rocking the debit card when it happens.

The Go-Go's come on. "Our Lips Are Sealed."

I love The Go-Go's.

I could never be a super spy because if I were ever caught and going to be interrogated all they'd have to do was play some Go-Go's and I'd feel all smiley and happy and loose all self control and start spilling state secrets or missile launch codes or whatever.

I'm pumping gas and I have this almost out of control desire to start dancing. In my big barn coat and my clodhopper boots and I'm surrounded by utility trucks and grime and it's cold and my car is 10 years old and covered with salt spray and mud and in my minds eye I'm dancing around like some insane parody of an 80's music video. Plus I'm a fat dude.

I actually think this would look pretty funny. Like a nightmare version of a Whitesnake video, where instead of a sexy, barely dressed woman seductively crawling all over a pristine sports car, you'd have a fat middle aged guy "seductively" rolling over his station wagon. At a gas station. In the winter.

Huh. Makes me laugh.

By the way, for those keeping track of our ages; The Go-Go's are in their fifties.

Jesus.