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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

A Morning

I wrote this, had in my head for awhile, and I don't like the final result but I'm putting it up here anyway, because...well, I don't know why, just because I can I guess.

I pull the car into the at Daycare, I turn to my son, safely confined in his car seat in the rear. "We're here!" I say. He throws his head back and says "Yeah!' he says and begins rattling off names of the daycare providers and the other children. He is two and has been saying more words every day.

I begin my little "going into daycare" routine. My entire life can be divided and subdivided into little routines and rituals I use to get me through the day, to keep my sanity, to keep me safe. I turn off the engine, pull out the key, reach back and unlock the rear passenger door, unbuckle and get out of the car, before I shut the driver's side door I make sure I have the keys in my hand and the rear door unlocked. I locked my son and my keys in the car once, and I don't want to do it again. I walk around to the rear door, open it and reach into to unbuckle my son. My usual routine is to carry him up the driveway and into daycare, and we stop before going in and look around and name things we see. It's a last special moment with him before work.

"Wanna do it myself!" he says. Determined.

I pull my hands back from him and look at him a moment. "Okay." I say. He has never asked this before.

He looks around, thinks for a moment and scootches his body down, slowly sliding off the edge of the seat. His legs graze the edge of the floor, but can't quite reach it. I move to help him but stop myself. He turns his body away from me and manages to crawl back up into the seat, he looks around again, thinking, planning. He turns on to his knees and backs up to the seat edge. Then he slowly lowers himself to the floor, his feet touch and he slides off the seat and into a standing position.

He looks around again, planning the next move. He has never actually stood in the back of the car before so a little exploring is in order, using the seats to steady himself he walks over the hump to the other side of the car and back. He does this a few times, over the hump and back, over the hump and back.

He comes to the open door, looks down at the ground, over at the door, up at me. He holds his hand up to me. "Help please?" he says. I hold his hand and he hops down from the car. We shut the door and he turns and walks up the driveway.

I follow.

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